BY NICOLE BELAND, MEN'S HEALTH GIRL NEXT DOOR

The Hell’s Angel
You’ll need: Cushy couch arm Your partner kneels on the couch, lying over the arm and tilting her hips forward so her clitoris rubs the upholstery. Sit behind her as if you were riding a motorcycle and then park your Harley in her garage.

The Farrah Faucet
You’ll need: Kitchen sink, pull-out spray faucet  The sink is too dangerous for sex (one slip equals two concussions), but it makes a great naughty water park. Prop her up so that she’s sitting over the basin, supporting her weight with her arms. Use the pull-out spray hose to treat her girl parts to an aqua massage. If she’s game, give her backdoor a liquid tickle, too.

The Full Service
You’ll need: Kitchen table  After dinner, have her for dessert She lies on the table, faceup, so her bum hangs just a few inches off the edge. Grab her ankles and hold her legs in the shape of a V. Try penetrating her at different angles—straight ahead, slightly to each side, slightly up or down, and in circles.

The Otto-Erotica
You’ll need: Ottoman, desk  Place an ottoman about * feet away from your desk. Ask her to rest her head and upper back on the ottoman and her calves on the desk, while you stand between her legs. The angle of her body is conducive to G-spot stimulation.

The Turner Classic
You’ll need: Easy chair This is basically a seated 69 She places her left hand beside your left thigh and her right hand beside your right thigh, then swings her right knee onto your right shoulder and her left onto your left shoulder. She can either arch her back and rest her forearms on your thighs, enjoying herself, or push herself up into position to give as she receives.

The Rolling Bone
You’ll need: Office chair with wheels, dining chair  Laziness was the mother of this invention. She sits on the edge of a rolling desk chair and leans backward. You sit in front of her on a stationary chair of equal height. Pull her chair in close (her legs can be tucked in to her chest or propped up on either set of arm rests) and dock your shuttle. Roll her chair back and forth at a slow, steady pace.

The Showtime Special
You’ll need: Sturdy coffee table, television  Increase the number of times you get lucky by offering to get it on while she takes in Grey’s Anatomy—it’s fun to accelerate the pace during commercials. Turn the coffee table lengthwise, so it’s perpendicular to the TV screen, and lie on it faceup, with your feet near the screen. She sits on top of you, also facing the TV, and lowers herself onto your package. By gripping the sides of the table, she controls the pace.

Seduce Her With Your Space

Is your place girlfriend-friendly? Find out with our how-she’s-sizing-up-your-crib crib sheet.

By Lisa Jones; Photos by Andrew Southam

I’m coming back to your place, so I’ve already decided I want to make out with you. Or, at the very least, I maybe want to make out with you. What’s absolutely clear is this: I definitely don’t not want to make out with you. Why else would I have accepted your invitation to watch kung fu movies back at your apartment? I hate kung fu.

So here I am, at your front door, at least a little into you.

But that may change as soon as I step inside. That’s the moment I start seriously considering, Is this a man I want to get naked with? I can tell more about a guy and what kind of boyfriend he’d be in * minutes at his place than I could in three dates. Whether I ultimately decide to stay the night, stay forever, or somewhere in between has a lot to do with your stuff. The balance may hang in your towel selection.

“Women see webs of data, not individual points,” says anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a research professor at Rutgers University and the author of Why We Love. “So, when they walk into a man’s apartment, they’re collecting information in droves.”

And possibly using it against you. “A woman can tell when she walks into a guy’s place whether she’s his fifth hookup of the month,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of DSI: Date Scene Investigation. On the other hand, if your pad is an honest expression of who you are, it can help you seal the deal.

So let’s go on a guided tour of all the things she’ll notice—even be looking for—the first time she visits. Green-light items indicate you’re a stand-up guy. Lots of green: Congrats, you’ll be hosting an intimate sleepover soonest. Red-light stuff screams “not worthy of seeing me naked.” If she sees too much red, a big hug is coming your way—on her way out the door.

Is your place girlfriend-friendly? Find out with our how-she’s-sizing-up-your-crib crib sheet...

 THE ENTRYWAY  

Welcome me to your home with a kiss at the door, then immediately take my coat and purse. Bonus points if you have a coat rack or uncluttered closet where you can hang them. Now offer me a drink and ask me to follow you to the kitchen. On the way, I’ll notice . . .

••• Green lights
_________________________

* Small hall mirror (Good Taste)
* Table with a dish for keys and loose change  (Handy)
* Handsome area rug (Good Taste)
* Running shoes, snowboard, hiking boots, hockey stick (Interesting, Healthy)

AIM FOR A SEMI-MESSY LOOK. A pristine place is a turnoff. Do you have nothing better to do than organize sock drawers and alphabetize your DVDs? “A moderate level of messiness can actually work for a guy,” says Fisher. “It signals that he needs somebody. Because women tend to be nest builders, we view it as a challenge: Oh, I can fix this up in an afternoon.” Note: Messy does not mean unclean—more on that later.

••• Red lights
_________________________

* Piles of unopened mail (JV)
* Guy-apartment smell (Slob)

CLEAR YOUR AIR. You want to ensure that the first thing that greets her isn’t a locker-room or frat-house stench, but your place shouldn’t smell flowery or perfumey, either. Try Method Aroma Sticks ($15) in natural scents like Sweet Water or Cut Grass, or the plug-in Aroma Pills ($10) in Eucalyptus + Mint, both available at store.methodhome.com. These crisp, manly fragrances are more surprising than pine, the typical guy go-to.