BY NICOLE BELAND, MEN'S HEALTH GIRL NEXT DOOR

The Hell’s Angel
You’ll need: Cushy couch arm Your partner kneels on the couch, lying over the arm and tilting her hips forward so her clitoris rubs the upholstery. Sit behind her as if you were riding a motorcycle and then park your Harley in her garage.

The Farrah Faucet
You’ll need: Kitchen sink, pull-out spray faucet  The sink is too dangerous for sex (one slip equals two concussions), but it makes a great naughty water park. Prop her up so that she’s sitting over the basin, supporting her weight with her arms. Use the pull-out spray hose to treat her girl parts to an aqua massage. If she’s game, give her backdoor a liquid tickle, too.

The Full Service
You’ll need: Kitchen table  After dinner, have her for dessert She lies on the table, faceup, so her bum hangs just a few inches off the edge. Grab her ankles and hold her legs in the shape of a V. Try penetrating her at different angles—straight ahead, slightly to each side, slightly up or down, and in circles.

The Otto-Erotica
You’ll need: Ottoman, desk  Place an ottoman about * feet away from your desk. Ask her to rest her head and upper back on the ottoman and her calves on the desk, while you stand between her legs. The angle of her body is conducive to G-spot stimulation.

The Turner Classic
You’ll need: Easy chair This is basically a seated 69 She places her left hand beside your left thigh and her right hand beside your right thigh, then swings her right knee onto your right shoulder and her left onto your left shoulder. She can either arch her back and rest her forearms on your thighs, enjoying herself, or push herself up into position to give as she receives.

The Rolling Bone
You’ll need: Office chair with wheels, dining chair  Laziness was the mother of this invention. She sits on the edge of a rolling desk chair and leans backward. You sit in front of her on a stationary chair of equal height. Pull her chair in close (her legs can be tucked in to her chest or propped up on either set of arm rests) and dock your shuttle. Roll her chair back and forth at a slow, steady pace.

The Showtime Special
You’ll need: Sturdy coffee table, television  Increase the number of times you get lucky by offering to get it on while she takes in Grey’s Anatomy—it’s fun to accelerate the pace during commercials. Turn the coffee table lengthwise, so it’s perpendicular to the TV screen, and lie on it faceup, with your feet near the screen. She sits on top of you, also facing the TV, and lowers herself onto your package. By gripping the sides of the table, she controls the pace.

Seduce Her With Your Space

Is your place girlfriend-friendly? Find out with our how-she’s-sizing-up-your-crib crib sheet.

By Lisa Jones; Photos by Andrew Southam

  THE KITCHEN

Have at least three beverage options to offer me, and make sure one is nonalcoholic (tea, water, ginger ale). The kitchen is a good place to talk, so display items that are conversation starters. Oh, if I sit on your countertop while listening . . . well, let’s just say you’ve done everything right so far.

••• Green lights
_________________________

* Postcards from places you’ve traveled, upcoming concert tickets, rock-climbing-gym hours on a magnetic bulletin board  (Interesting, Fun, Healthy)
* Fresh fruits and vegetables, jar of vitamins on top of fridge  (Healthy)
* Box of Lucky Charms  (Fun)
* Stainless-steel appliances, Global knife set, bamboo cutting board, Mario Batali spoonula  (Good Taste, Interesting)

WHIP UP A SNACK. Feeding me shows a desire to take care of me, and it’s sexy to watch you do things with your hands, like flip a grilled cheese with a flick of the wrist or chop vegetables for a quick homemade salsa. Speaking of which, this one wows every time.

Mango-Avocado Salsa
    1     mango (skin and seed removed), cut into cubes
    1     ripe avocado (skin and pit removed), cut into cubes
    ¼    cup minced onion
    1     jalapeño pepper (or more, if you want extra heat), minced
    ½     cup chopped cilantro
    Juice of 1 lime
    Salt and pepper

Combine the mango, avocado, onion, jalapeño pepper, cilantro, and lime juice in a mixing bowl. Season to taste.

••• Red lights
_________________________

* Overflowing trash can  (JV)
* Preassembled cheese plate  (Trying Too Hard)
* Crusty dishes in the sink, sticky floor (Slob)
* You holding a beer in every photo on the fridge (JV)

LET YOUR PHOTOS VOUCH FOR YOU. Pictures of you with Mom and Pop (or with your nieces and nephews) practically scream, “He’s a stand-up guy.” Ditto for photographs of you in big groups of friends—as long as you don’t look sloshed in all of them. Photos of places you’ve traveled or things you’re passionate about also make for good talking points.


 THE LIVING ROOM   

Beverages in hand, lead me to your living room, which should be roommate-free the first time I come over. While en route, give me a quick tour of the place, spending a few seconds in each room we pass.

••• Green lights
_________________________

* Khaki, gray, or brown walls (Good Taste)
* Bright blue or red walls (Fun, Interesting)
* Bookshelves with lots of books  (Interesting)
* Soft throw pillows and a quilted blanket on the couch (Good Taste, Considerate)
* Energy-saving lightbulbs in lamps  (Considerate)
* The Office–Season * on DVD (Fun)
* Lots of tech, without wires all over the place  (Handy)
* Xbox 360 and Madden NFL 08 tucked away in entertainment center (Fun)
* Leafy green thing (Considerate)

SHOW YOU CAN CARE. A shiny potted plant—or a pet—says you can care for something other than yourself. This plays to a girl’s anthropological instincts. Maybe you’ll even make a good father one day. If you have a black thumb, make your show of green with a ZZ plant (Zamioculcas zamiifolia). It thrives on neglect, requiring only occasional watering and minimal sunlight. $24, smithandhawken.com

••• Red lights
_________________________

* Xbox 360 and Madden NFL 08 in the middle of the floor  (JV)
* Bare, white walls  (JV)
* Lit candle on coffee table, Coldplay playing  (Trying Too Hard)
* 70-inch plasma TV taking up an entire wall  (JV)
* Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon poster  (JV)

FOCUS ON YOUR FOCAL POINT. “The size of your TV and where you place it say a great deal about who you are,” says Fisher. If a monster TV is the centerpiece of the living room, we’ll assume you’ll want to spend all weekend watching sports (which some girls might be into). But if your focal point is a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf, we’ll see you as a relaxed, thoughtful guy. That’s sexy.

DISPLAY YOUR CREATIVE SIDE. Unless your place is in fact a dorm room at the University of Florida, it shouldn’t look like one. Go to wallhogs.com, where you can have your favorite snapshot turned into a canvas masterpiece for about $50. Or transform an entire wall into a cool art installation by turning a snapshot into a mural at muralsyourway.com. Then, when I compliment your cool artwork, you’ll have a story to tell. I’ll think you’re creative—and suddenly hotter.